She Works Hard For The Money..

Porn Depresses me...

I'm sure you're all shocked to hear this. But it's true.

Since the widespread inception of the internet, we have seen a boom in what is dubbed the sexual 'revolution'...

Apparently there are even people who like to meet, dress up as big furry animals and have orgies...or so I've heard...

All of this is thanks to the internet.

But perverts aside, the true social cost of Porn is to my libido and to my faith in women. I mean what are these gorgeous women doing? Whilst yes, I appreciate their naked bodies and their hard work...surely hot women such as these could be put to better work, like in my kitchen.

So therefore, whilst porn can be great for a impromptu visit to Mrs. Palmer and her five farm blonde busty farm daughters, who are just doing it to put themselves through college (I like to role play), it has some wider spread consequences.

Consequence #1: It makes my sex RUBBISH.

New-age porn has made a generation believe that great, dirty, naughty errotic spontaneous sex will greet them at any juncture in their lives. It makes us believe that our best friends mum's sisters daughter's secretaries maid is just waiting to have sex with us, after proper introductions of course, and she will do it on camera...why? because she is hot to trot.

Then we are subjected to reality...missionary drudgery in the dark, awkward elbows and knees, some doggy style to 'spice things up' and a faked orgasm (from me). Yip..ee... You'll have to forgive me whilst I have a cold shower.

If it wasn't for porn, I might of been able to go on thinking that sex is the pinnacle of my life. Gone on thinking that this 10 seconds of fury is as good as it gets...But I've been shown now, I've been shown that there is better than the freckly pasty thing that I just picked up from the bar...and there is just no coming back from it.And even if she really was hot, she STILL isn't going to moan like a dog on heat or beg for it in her arse is she?

However, at least I was able to have some sex before the internet revolution really took off...so I had a period of ignorance being bliss. The young virgins growing up today, what hope do they have?

Consequence # 2: You're enslaving me to my ADSL connection

You're all so hot...I can't bare to leave my computer or television screen...and you're growing exponentially by the day. I have to upgrade my ADSL connection just to keep up. First my speed so i can get porn faster, then my download limit so I can downlod more porn, and then my hard-drive has to be expanded so I can store it all...like some greedy little chipmunk saving accorns for the winter.

I fear that soon my life will be solely directed to earning money in whatever hours I am unable to have an erection, so I can pay for my internet bill...and this quite frankly frightens me.

Consequence # 3: I can't get married

Not that I want to get married, I've stated my reasons for this before, but if I did want to, porn has ruined it for me once and for all.

a) How can I get married knowing that there are so many more hot chicks out there that seemingly like sex so much more than the girl I am considering proposing to? I can't, I won't

b) Given the amount of new websites that are popping up daily on the internet, and the rate at which young women are chewed up and spat out by the industry...there is a very good probability that the girl I'm intending to marry, despite her good upbringing (she was doing it to piss Daddy off), has been part of a bukkake party..and whilst it would make for an interesting honey moon...ultimately I couldn't live with it.


Consequence # 4: I can't have kids

Due to porn and the frequent turn over of 'staff' that the industry is currently experiencing I just couldn't in good conscience have a child, just in case I have a daughter. Think about it, that chick that is getting railed by 5 black men on the hood of a car in 'ghetto bitches 7' is someones daughter! You've gotta feel for these blokes. They've gone down to the local adult shop, slipped a DVD into a brown paper bag, had that rush of embarrassment/guilt/sexual excitement that only comes from buying porn or robbing a granny (so I've heard) and theyre off home for a good old fashioned wank. So here goes Jo, sits down to his big plasma screen that he has just invested in, with full surround sound, puts in the DVD...what does he find? To his horror, he discovers his little Susie checking to see if she is air tight...So much for Sunday School.

Then it gets serious...

Brace yourself.

Consequence # 5: The end of civilisation as we know it

The boom in porn makes me question my theory on women. Porn-stars are now being revered by the general public... and they're making good money and serving as 'role models'. Jenna Jameson had a best selling book for god sake!

Now if I have taught you anything in my previous writing is that women are hell bent on attention, money/materialism and sex. Now...I always thought that the natural order of life would place hot women in the best position to capitalise on their materialistic urges by trading their bodies to men with good jobs. However it would appear that women now are able to satisfy all of their urges for shoes, shopping, sex and attention (although it may not be the kind of attention your Dad hoped you would get) by becoming Porn-Stars and lapping up the fame that comes from copping 17 loads on the face.

This has potentially disastrous ramifications for the social order of Western Society...I'm talking Day After Tommorrow type stuff.

If men no-longer think that they can get a hot chick by going out and working hard, then blokes simply won't bother. We only wear suits because women think we're hot in them. We only invent things because it might have some use in dating, any other benefit is merely incidental. If all the hot women are simply getting banged on webcams or in the backseats of dirty mini-vans, we'll just give up, upgrade our ADSL connection and lose all hope.

Every human advance and the living standards we currently enjoy is completely due to the mad scramble by men to try and ascend the social ranks in whatever capacity. This is done for hte sole purpose of attracting the hottest woman possible. Be it economically, intellectually or risking life and limb via courage, all these things are done solely to attract women. We do actually believe that 'chicks dig scars', and they'd better, because it hurts getting cut dammit! But it just shows you the mentality that drives men, we are willing to exchange a gash for some gash.

Let me tell you, Captain Cook wasn't looking for the Great South Land, he was looking for chicks!Do you really think anyone would of bothered climbing Mt. Everest if there weren't any chicks around that would want to hear the stories? No we would of just sat around and watched you all getting hammered in porn instead...What do you think Ooog was doing when he invented fire? It was so he could get some chicks to come round for the warmth and the pretty colours.

So women of the world...please, even though porn may be a short term fix for us and yourselves, think of the long term problems for society that you are creating. Remember, if we dont build the economy there will be no nice things for you to buy, and that has to be a negative scenario for you, no matter what you say....

Oh and don't ask us to simply stop watching porn, because we can't. . It's an illness...and its for life. It's up to you to help us and help yourselves in the process

I may have called you shallow, callous, vindictive whores in the past (and if i haven't yet I will) but us men, we still NEED you. We need you to cook and clean for us, encourage us to have children, make us think that sex is actually good and satisfying and most importantly, drive us to get a more attractive youthful you in the future.

Women, our future is in your hands. Get offline and release me from my prison.